Sa hinahaba-haba ng panahong naghanda kami sa pagbubuntis, sa pagputok pa ng COVID kami na-timing. Five months pregnant ako noong idineklara ang COVID sa bansa. And it is quite extraordinary for me. Kasi sa timing talagang hindi ako makapaniwala, that we are currently experiencing pandemic tapos natapat pa nga sa pregnancy ko! Not only that, extra gastos din pala dahil sa mga requirements tulad ng mask and face shield before you enter to the hospital. Covid Test bago manganak, at the same time kailangan maingat ka habang labas pasok ka sa hospital kasi ang hirap tamaan ng covid lalo na't buntis ako. Hindi mo gugustuhing maconfine sa hospital or worse mag-agaw buhay kasama ang bata sa sinapupunan mo. That thought really got me, talagang extra worries and anxiety ako during these times.
They call this generation or babies born during pandemic as "Generation Crown" or "Generation Alpha". Sometimes, just by hearing this i was immediately switched back to the days na sobrang naiistress na ako sa pag-aalala na sana maging okay kami ni baby at ang panganganak ko. Those were the moments na kahit takot na takot na ako i had only one choice but to face my fear and just be strong! Kasi wala naman talagang ibang magagawa. Prayer ang Faith lang ang nagsalba sakin that time. There were times pa nga na talagang umiiyak ako kasi umaapaw na yong emosyon ko. Ngayon tuwing naiisip ko yong mga araw na yon, yong bigat ang unang-una kong nararamdaman. Nadagdagan pa lalo ang kaba noong may mga nababasa akong news tungkol sa mga nanganak na namatay dahil pinabayaan daw sa hospital at kung anu-anong cases pa diyan na related sa panganganak with covid cases.
Although ganon ang mga nababasa ko, I was still confident na hindi ako pababayaan ng OB ko if worst comes to worst. Regular kasi ang check up ko sakanya at talagang close monitoring siya sakin dahil high risk ako at may history na ng miscarriage. Lahat ng labtest na pinapagawa walang na-missed. EDD was already marked. Kumbaga kilalang kilala na niya ako. So 'yong worry ko sa part na yan medyo nagaanan. Doon naman ngayon sa delivery ako sumunod na nagworry (talaga namang hindi ako nauubusan ng pag-aalala) na "What if something terrible happened" mga ganon. Pilit kong kinakalma ang sarili ko. Mahirap, as in Extra hirap ang magbuntis sa pandemic time.
At dahil nga pandemic, lahat ng damit ni baby ay through online ko lang nabili. I would say hindi talaga ako nakapili ng magandang klase ng lampin para sa kanya. Although hindi ko gusto yong nabili kong lampin pero ginamit nalang namin kasi sayang at mahirap talagang kitain ang pera during those times. Tapos pag may natatanggap akong mga parcels kasi dati diretso lublub sa tubig para ma-disinfect. Maalala ko meron pa ngang time nuon na nagkakaubusan ng alcohol. Later on mask naman ang nauubos sa market. Noong nanganak naman ako ay may mga extra charges na PPE na magpapabigat sa bills mo, kasama narin ang COVID test na requirement bago ka payagang makapanganak sa ospital.
Yong fear na dala ng COVID ay overwhelming. Plus i couldn't believe the fact that i'd be challenged that way. Hindi ako makapaniwalang kung kailan ako nagbuntis saka naman nagka-covid. My mind was like, "Is this a joke"?. There were times before (during my pregnancy) na nagdadasal ako sa gabi facing the black sky or the horizon staring at the stars and moon. It's like a belief that, for me it's like a direct line to the Universe and God. So far naisurvive ko lahat ng fear ko na para bang all along i had been carrying all the courage and strength that i need to get through this, the fear and everything.
Let me also share some of my hospital or delivery experience. Dahil sa takot namin sa covid nagdecide kami ni mister na kumuha ng private room. But unfortunately wala nang available na kahit na anong kalse ng private room maliban sa ward. Consequently wala kaming choice. The night before my EDD pumasok na ako sa delivery room para maiprepare at ma-monitor na ako. Dahil wala naman akong maramdamang pain or sign na lalabas na naglakad lakad ako within the delivery room lang din para tulungang bumuka ang cervix ko. I could hear the scream of a woman next to my room and i was like, go ate kayang kaya mo yan (sa isip ko). After a few minutes nagsasabi na siya ng hindi na daw niya kaya and she sounds so tired and having difficulty of breathing.
After a few minutes of walking i was checked again about my contractions. Sabi nila may contractions na ako and they asked me kung nararamdaman ko ba. I can feel something moving but not the pain, wala masyadong sakit. At na-stuck na yong cervix ko sa 2cm, wala nang improvement hanggang umaga. That's when my OB decided to proceed to CS and announced the schedule which is 7am. Upon hearing the time nagsimula na yong kaba ko. The real "Kaba".
While they're preparing for me, wala na gusto na talagang lumabas yong puso ko sa lakas ng pump! Until we finally reached the injecting part of the anesthesia on my spine. This is the most scariest experience i've ever had! Hindi mo talaga mapipigilang pumitik ang katawan mo sa sandaling pumasok na ang karayom sa likod mo. A normal reaction of a body sa sting ng karayom.
After injecting the anesthesia ipinosisyon na ako ng patihaya and i had no idea na nagsisimula na palang OB ko sa operation because we were still casually talking. I thought nasa preparation stage parin siya. Ang bilis ng pangyayari. While we were talking i started to chill, literally shaking. Nanginginig-nginig ako sa lamig na nararamdaman ko. And then i heard a voice saying "Normal lang po yan mommy na makaramdam ka ng pag-chill, don't worry". I realized it was my anesthesiologist talking. They were all so friendly and nice na talagang mababawasan nga naman ang kaba mo.
So if anyone who's suffering or having worries and anxieties during their pregnancy. Talk to me mommies. Post your story here or contact me directly. You are not alone. Meron tayong mga kanya kanyang kuwento na pagdadaanan, at balang araw magiging alaala nalang sila na lalong magpapalakas sa atin. Just eat right, get veggies, fish and fruits. Umiwas totally sa mga fast food, frozen food, sweets, too much meat, find a hobby or read books and you'll be just fine. But ultimately, i am right here if you want someone to talk to or hear your story. You can find my social media account in here anyway, so you can either contact me by email or social media.
